Tag Archives: communication

Aug1

I know a secret…

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I know a secret…

I know a secret about people.  All people.  Yep… even about people I don’t know and will never meet.

Want to know what it is?  Promise not to tell?

People always do what is most important to them.  Always.  They don’t always think of it in terms of what is important or not – in fact it is mostly a subconsious activity – but you can always tell what is important to them by what they actually do.

Did I confuse you? 

Here’s an example – a friend begs you to let them “help” you move, you need the help so you jump on the opportunity and then – they are 30 minutes late, pack all your crystal without bubblewrap, and spend most of their time on the phone with their (fill in the blank).  What was the part that was important to them?  Making a show that they wanted to help. And talking to whomever it was on their Blackberry.  If you were to confront him/her with the half hour wait, the lack of care in packing or the fact that they spent most of their time gabbing instead of helping he/she would be taken aback at your ungratefulness.  Yet you come away from the experience not terribly happy for the “help”.

Another example: Your friend asks YOU for help, and on the appointed day reschedules, and then reschedules again. And a third time.  What is really important to that person?  Whatever he/she is doing instead of getting your help with whatever it is.

I don’t think any of us set out to disrespect each other or to compromise our own priorities – we are all caught up in looking good, and giving good impressions and sometimes lose track of what we are truly feeling or wanting to do.  And if you really DON’T want to pack but have offered to help – your deep down desires will surface in some form or another. 

The trick is to be consciously prioritizing and balance the things you want to do in your forebrain where you understand what is going on instead of being lead around by the id without the ego or superego catching on.

Perhaps the essence of zen is to blend the three and have them communicate effectively with each other so that your own inner self is in full knowledge of what you want and why.

Then again, maybe it really is a smile on a dog.

Mar8

Reaching a balance point with cell phones

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Reaching a balance point with cell phones

On Monday I start a new job.  It was a hard decision to give up consulting – but it was made easier by the lack of business and therefore lack of cash flow.  Haha. 

I am actually looking forward to being in an office again, and having a competitive set of goals.  Plus I have a new toy to learn and play with – my first ever BlackBerry.  I am a little leery of it… it seems like it will be addictive.  And everyone I know who has one, has seemed to be glued to it through even the most unlikely of circumstances…such as standing pumping gas and emailing someone.  Or another example – changing a diaper in a public rest room, and also having a phone conversation on the Berry, then after popping the infant back in the carrying sling, checking email. 

I am old enough to remember listening in on party lines when I was supposed to have gone to bed for the night.  There was something fun and clandestine about trying to pick up the receiver without making noise and listening without giggling.  Now, I have to listen whether I want to or not…in stores, in parking lots, in movies, in restrooms. 

I get to hear intimate details of people’s lives (as do you if you happen to be near them when they are on the cell phone or blackberry) and I no longer want to giggle.  I want to grab their borg blue tooth and toss it far, far away.  And sometimes I want to stomp and scream “Shut Up!”.

And while I am dedicated to being focused on my new job and all the opportunities and goals I will have – I hope I will be able to extricate myself from time to time and enjoy the world “sans cell”.  I am often reminded of the movie “The Blackbird” with Woody Allen from the 70′s – in it, Woody Allen’s best friend is one of those business men who was constantly calling his office to say what number he could be reached at and for how long.  It was ridiculously funny then, and it is the norm now – to be constantly accessible to whomever calls.

I for one, will continue to write snail mail when I want to reach out and make contact.  I love email – but there is something very personal about putting pen to paper and actually writing something to someone.

So have a great weekend.  I will see you in traffic on Monday – and hope not to hear you on the phone unless I happen to have called you or you have called me.

Ciao!