Last fall I was bemoaning the proliferation of social and “business” networking apps on the web.  I am still waiting for the Darwinian weeding out of the “best of the breed”, and as I am an eager adopter of new apps, you can imagine I have a lot of accounts that are languishing as I move on to even newer apps.   Some of these apps are too much effort to configure, some are too intrusive (don’t like plug-ins), and some are just – well- bizarre.

I have actually cancelled my UNYK account because of the astounding number of emails it both sends to my contacts and to me.  And that started my thoughts down the road of – What is the etiquette of saying ‘no’ to a request to: join, connect,  update,  share contacts?

I am sure I have burned my share of bridges, but overall I have a fairly good relationship with people I have met over the years.  It doesn’t mean that I want to join,  connect, update, or share my contacts with everyone.  I actually know for a certainty that some of my connections would be very unhappy to have their information out there for anyone.  For example, I have a dear friend who had an ex-boyfriend stalk her – the whole drama required a restraining order and she moved 4 times in the course of 3 months – just to make sure he couldn’t find her.  She was a nervous wreck.  Clearly she would not want her contact info out there for him to find her again. 

So how do we say “no” and further, how do we protect the integrity of our relationships from inadvertant dangers in a world where data is so freely exchanged and accessible?  Is there an etiquette written somewhere to give guidance on this?  I am certain there are “unwritten rules” of business/social networking, just as I am certain there are those “open networkers” who are actually “collectors” of contacts. 

I don’t want to say “no” out of hand to invitations to meet new people in cyberspace (or the 3D world either), but I do want to protect the relationships I have built.  And where possible, I want to protect the privacy of my friends and colleagues. 

If anyone out there has ideas on what the guidelines should be, please share.