NCorres' Weblog

I know a secret about people.  All people.  Yep… even about people I don’t know and will never meet.

Want to know what it is?  Promise not to tell?

People always do what is most important to them.  Always.  They don’t always think of it in terms of what is important or not – in fact it is mostly a subconsious activity – but you can always tell what is important to them by what they actually do.

Did I confuse you? 

Here’s an example – a friend begs you to let them “help” you move, you need the help so you jump on the opportunity and then – they are 30 minutes late, pack all your crystal without bubblewrap, and spend most of their time on the phone with their (fill in the blank).  What was the part that was important to them?  Making a show that they wanted to help. And talking to whomever it was on their Blackberry.  If you were to confront him/her with the half hour wait, the lack of care in packing or the fact that they spent most of their time gabbing instead of helping he/she would be taken aback at your ungratefulness.  Yet you come away from the experience not terribly happy for the “help”.

Another example: Your friend asks YOU for help, and on the appointed day reschedules, and then reschedules again. And a third time.  What is really important to that person?  Whatever he/she is doing instead of getting your help with whatever it is.

I don’t think any of us set out to disrespect each other or to compromise our own priorities – we are all caught up in looking good, and giving good impressions and sometimes lose track of what we are truly feeling or wanting to do.  And if you really DON’T want to pack but have offered to help – your deep down desires will surface in some form or another. 

The trick is to be consciously prioritizing and balance the things you want to do in your forebrain where you understand what is going on instead of being lead around by the id without the ego or superego catching on.

Perhaps the essence of zen is to blend the three and have them communicate effectively with each other so that your own inner self is in full knowledge of what you want and why.

Then again, maybe it really is a smile on a dog.