Every once in awhile I get sideswiped by a communication stream gone awry.  Perhaps because I am sincerely trying to be forthcoming with facts and options, it can get lost in the interpersonal translation – I forget sometimes that the other person is not necessarily thinking the way I think or interpreting the way I interpret and without meaning to – I have given them an incomplete picture of intent and that leads to assumptions flying all over. 

I am hoping I am not the only person who feels suddenly neanderthal-like when someone with whom we think we are communicating well , suddenly melts down and tells us we are obviously not on the same page.  I really do analyze and rethink most of these experiences to see where I went wrong, because I don’t enjoy the emotional explosion of frustration when someone finally says they are lost or not happy or not getting what I have been saying.   Usually they are a result of emails going back and forth… and I admit that in an email conversation where I may be answering questions I may focus on the question and forget the pleasantries.

For those of you out there that may do this, trust me when I say – it always goes wrong.  I do not pretend to understand the mechanics of this in its entirety – I only know that if I answer questions without a cushion of the kind of conversation I might have in person, the reader/recipient will always interpret things with an emotional overtone that catches me by surprise.  I know this, and yet it still happens – though thankfully not as often as in my younger years.

The less comfortable someone is with technology in general, the more reliant they are on conversation-like markers in the communication.  “Hope things are going well for you” isn’t exactly what they need, but something more like – “This is just a suggestion or an option -” and “I am telling you this because: fill in the blank” .  Also, too much information is – well – too much information. 

Again, I know this, but I forget it.  If the information is too complex, it becomes a target for emotional interpretation rather than logical interpretation.  Bullet points are good, but talking is better.  Too complex for email should always turn into a phone call.  This is especially true because not everyone processes reading the same way they process talking.

While it is good to have a reminder, it isn’t always pleasant.  Take it from me.  We are all “works in progress” and I guess I need some remedial practice.